I recently had a conversation with a 43-year-old Korean who I will call Sam, who was looking for an American girlfriend. He and his parents were born in the United States, but his mother clings to Korean traditions and customs. Sam is somewhat conservative and lives in his own home. He complained about how difficult it was to find a traditional woman.
Initially, I assumed her definition of a conventional woman might be a far cry from mine, but our talk quickly revealed that our thinking was quite in sync.
He was frustrated that many young women are, according to him, rude and cannot carry on a conversation without using the words “F” and “S” in almost every sentence. (I thought this was interesting because that language is common and generally accepted in everyday speech, especially among the very young.) They drink too much and generally have no idea what is attractive to a man. Her femininity is non-existent. They cannot understand how they are supposed to be because they do not know how to be women. The women’s movement has marred their thinking and behavior so severely that they cannot begin, much less maintain a good relationship with a man.
As we continued talking, it became clear that he had more than one problem with young women. He also has a mother who rearranges her kitchen when she visits him frequently and, believe it or not, tells him that he shouldn’t get married, and she means it! When he made that revelation, I thought I was going to break a blood vessel.
In “my time,” it was common for parents to become unnecessarily involved in the lives of their adult children. It was a cultural thing. Above all, there was nothing that could be done to embarrass the family. Tradition and adherence to social norms mattered a lot. More than a few adult children were disowned by their mothers, who insisted that the bride was not good enough for her son, who she believed had the divinity of God.
Thank God the madness is over, right? No, it is not over. Mommy’s Boy Syndrome is alive and well.
Today’s television shows demonstrate problems that adult children frequently experience due to controlling and nosy mothers. The TLC show, “I’m In Love With A Mama’s Boy,” highlights the problem and is disgusting to watch. I want to slap those mothers from one side to the other for castrating their children.
Another TLC show, “90 Day Fiancé,” highlights Colt’s unhealthy relationship of more than 30 years with his mother. Mom ruins his relationship with young women by deliberately interfering and continually trying to control him. His mother is his best friend, constant companion, and has made it clear that no woman will be good enough for her son.
Mothers of adult children: You have lived your life; let your children live theirs. Give them the freedom to be the alpha males God intended instead of emotional, feminized eunuchs hanging from the strings of your apron.
Please do not call your child every day. Don’t invite yourself on dates. If your son wants to live with a woman, it is none of his business. Don’t make sarcastic or passive-aggressive comments about his girlfriend. Maybe he wants to live with his girlfriend to get away from YOU! If you move in together, how you decorate your apartment is none of your business. Believe it or not, you can. He is no longer six years old.
One last tip for mom: If you’re a widow, find a man to manage. If you are unhappily married, you may be the reason. Don’t try to cure or hide your unhappiness by looking at your child.
Lastly, I respect family customs and cultural norms, but I do not respect customs that interfere with the happiness or autonomy of any member. Live and let live.