Many couples marry with a clear and strong red line when it comes to infidelity. They say, “If my partner ever has an affair, I’ll break up and divorce.” And then it happens to you unexpectedly and leaves you to deal with the devastating betrayal and the inevitable roller coaster of emotions. When you are faced with the painful reality, you must also make a decision “Should I stay or should I go?” You realize that whatever decision you make, the stakes are high and the red line you saw in your mind is now more gray than red. The following is information to know when facing infidelity in your marriage.

1) Infidelity does not necessarily end a marriage.
Adventures are an ego booster and can be very powerful and compelling. However, despite its negative consequences, infidelity is not necessarily the end of a marriage. Surprisingly to many, most married couples decide to stay married after infidelity. Although recovering from infidelity is challenging, many marriages not only survive, but actually grow stronger from the devastating experience. They can get back on track and rebuild trust, friendship and excitement. 2) Many cheaters still love their partners.

Men can love their wives and still want to have sex with other women. Many times cheaters have not fallen out of love; but rather have become dissatisfied with the state of their marriages. Infidelity usually takes place when things calm down, normality and boredom enter, interest and excitement disappear. It also happens in moments of crisis or transition, such as having a new baby, pressure at work, lack of intimacy, unmet needs, not having sex, etc. As such, affairs may reflect that couples don’t know how to care for each other or how to work together to meet their challenges, but not necessarily that they don’t love each other.

2) An emotional roller coaster is the new norm.
The road to any recovery, even after an affair, is not a straight line. It is usually a spiral line that encompasses many ups and downs. The roller coaster of emotions is a natural course of the healing process and it is very painful and confusing. Just when couples think things have improved and are resolved, there’s another major setback to experience. These couples may think that they will never be able to get over betrayal and infidelity. Every setback is something different. However, like the stock market, the idea is to think long term. As long as there is a general upward trend, progress is being made. Embracing patience is essential, especially during times of relapse. So don’t give up and have hope.

3) Infidelity can be traumatic.
The betrayal is shocking and devastating to the recipient to an extreme degree in such a way that it overwhelms their physical and mental state. The betrayed spouse suffers from distress and anxiety, problems eating and sleeping, and a negative impact on their self-esteem and confidence. It is not surprising that the betrayed spouse presents symptoms similar to Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome (PTSD).

4) Forgive and you will be free.
Similar to a traumatic experience, people do not forget infidelity. It is a survival necessity to remember and avoid the pain associated with the adventure. While remembering the betrayal is essential to protect ourselves and learn from its experience, forgiveness is essential to move on with life. Forgiveness is not designed to release the unfaithful person, or take responsibility for it, but rather it is designed to release people from their past and their misery. When betrayed spouses forgive, it allows love to flow into their lives. They let go of the past and make room for the present, which brings hope and optimism. 6) Healing is not easy and takes time.

Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional. The more we resist pain, the more we suffer. That is why we have to have the courage to experience the pain and loss that comes with betrayal. Although we prefer to be pain free as quickly as possible, healing from infidelity is a chaotic process and takes time. Quick recovery may indicate repression or compartmentalization, which may backfire in some way. It’s not uncommon for recovery from an affair and back on the path of marriage to take two years or even longer.

5) Couples therapy is very useful.
The betrayal is so overwhelming and disorienting that it’s hard to know what to do next. Professional help is very beneficial and can help us through the challenging process of infidelity towards healing. Infidelity counseling is a helpful way to get information, support, and empower yourself to overcome infidelity. It helps people to have a better understanding and a broader perspective on the subject of matters and to acquire objective and professional guidance to make more informed decisions.

Regardless of the decision you make, overcoming infidelity is not easy, but it can be done. The questions to ask are: What can you learn from it? How is it done? at what cost? If you decide to stay in your marriage after the affair, the important thing is to address the