The Winter Holiday Season holds great expectations and very fragile feelings. The pain of divorce and separation knows no bounds and it is during special times of the year that the pain and loss associated with divorce can seem greatest. It can cause us to cling too closely to the familiar and make a routine take on much more importance than it did last month.

A priority often mentioned by families is the desire for consistency and continuity of family traditions. These traditions often outlast many long-term family relationships or friendships. The bad news these families are facing is that there are now two families with different players in different locations.

Family traditions and continuity may have to be sacrificed for convenience and logistics. But that certainly doesn’t mean its importance diminishes. Holiday traditions can be adapted to new circumstances when everyone keeps an open mind.

One of the first steps in navigating the holidays is setting the parameters during the divorce mediation process. Issues such as sharing parental responsibilities not only during winter break but throughout the year should be discussed and resolved within your mediation discussions and negotiations.

In a traditionally litigated divorce, these issues are often dictated by many other factors, including finances, the reasons for the dissolution of the marriage, and perhaps the aggressiveness of each attorney. Your mediator will facilitate these decisions with a focus on fairness and the best interests of the children in the family.

Once you and your mediator have established the ground rules, the whole family should work out the details. Taking an old tradition and updating it can be fun and ultimately enhance the celebration. Waking up at sunrise on Thanksgiving morning to take a family walk in the woods and admire the foliage might have been fun when your kids were seven.

Now that they are teenagers, they may want to sleep in and take a walk in nature before the football game. It is true that some traditions have become sacred over the years and it is important to do everything possible to preserve as much of the ritual as possible.

Creativity is the key to “making the old new again.” The emphasis on consistency is also a theme to follow in mediation.

While one parent may have more time on selected holidays, the presence and participation of both will address the need for consistency in their children’s lives. The comfort and security that family routines provide should never be underestimated. Now that the festive season is upon us, it may be time to talk to your children and find out what parts of the holiday celebrations mean the most to them.

Knowing their priorities will help you finalize arrangements and make holiday plans that include the events and activities that are important to them.

The holiday season is a time when families can rebuild and reinvent the occasions that are important to them. This time of year is considered a time of renewal and a family torn apart by divorce may be in desperate need of renewal and a new commitment.

When families work together and seek the advice of a good mediator, the season is full of possibilities for healing and renewal.