We are all aware of the life and life cycle of a human being. Between birth and death, many things happen that shape our identity. There are certain traits that are built in or inherited and then there are some characters that we build as we go through certain states and situations, which add to our identity at various times. Now my question here is: How do you identify your first identity?
Birth; his name given by his family; schooling based on parent’s name; college based on your parent’s name and your grades; your resume requires your family details; Your biographical data for marriage needs your family details. So, everywhere, the family comes first, which makes it their first identity.
The reason I mention this point is that the family has its role everywhere. Even in addiction, it has its unmistakable implication. Addiction is known as a family disease. There is no denying that the family has an important role to play in enabling addiction and ending it as well.
Once an addict has been treated and has begun their recovery journey, your role as a family does not end there. Rather, it is just the beginning and he must ensure that his loved one takes him a long way. Without his knowledge and support, it will not be possible. There are certain definite steps that you as a family must take so that your entire family can enjoy a sober and happy life of recovery.
Be alert and watchful
Don’t make the same mistakes again. Having your emotions attached to someone may not be something you can control, but one safe course of action is to keep them in your control.
You shouldn’t get too excited every time your recovering addict is trying to catch you. You have to take into account, all the things that he did before. If there is an excess of any behavior, which you believe was previously used, to go for substance use, you must immediately become aware and take a firm step. You will have to let go of your gullible nature and be more cunning.
Be alert about your daily routine and activities. Trust him in what he is doing, but not so blindly that he takes you for a ride. Keep in mind that I’m not supposed to take you for granted. Get clear answers to all your questions about any type of deviation you see or hear.
Always discuss any move he wants to make and then, considering its practicality and profitability, you can decide to finance or support it. But don’t get too defensive or doubt his ability. It’s hard work, right?
don’t set it free
‘The empty mind is the devil’s workshop’. You must have been listening to this since your childhood. So when you leave him without any job or commitment in the family, he would drag himself to drugs or alcohol and maybe use his pent-up energy to use it in newer ways. He understands the line of his privacy and his alibis for using drugs in private, hiding from you. Show your full involvement in his talks and tasks. Make sure nothing is taken lightly. If he loses his sincerity and begins to sinter time, he would lose consciousness, which could become a reason for relapse. In treatment, they are taught many unwritten philosophies, such as Not getting free meals and To be mindful is to be alive. They must practice them and to practice them you must also be their role model. Also, make sure your circadian rhythm doesn’t change, meaning your sleep cycle and even your eating habits stay healthy.
be emotionally available
Always be emotionally available to him. There are times when we all feel down. Apparently, those who become addicted, their coping mechanism is automated towards drugs and alcohol or just self-harm. So whenever you see your loved one getting sad and negative about life, or has chosen the quiet corner for themselves for a persistent period of time, you need to intervene. Cook for him and ask him for help, put on some good music, go out for lunch or dinner, refresh some childhood memories. There are many things to do together. Treatment does not end when the addict leaves the rehabilitation center. Never take it lightly. He needs the feeling of love and belonging, more than any other person. And at the same time, don’t make the mistake of asking him to have a little alcohol or smoke from time to time in social gatherings, thinking that it might lift his spirits and that you’re keeping an eye on him so he doesn’t. don’t get out of control. An addict can never settle for peanuts. He would return to the same intensity again.
do not be afraid
Don’t ignore his anger and above all, don’t be afraid of him. Don’t be afraid of the self-harm threats I’d be dealing with before you. If he loses his cool over petty matters and criticizes everything you say, be careful. Because it indicates that you will use your substance again. If you become submissive, which is what he wants, you will lose this battle against addiction. You have to practice Tough Love. Forget what you used to do before when your wishes didn’t come true. You don’t have to be his Jinn again. He knows when to rub the lamp, but you have to decide whether or not your emotions should come out, even if he’s trying to be forceful. The moment you give up and surrender your emotional control to him, he will relapse. No anger, no threat of self-harm, no abuse will work on you. You have to be stronger than him. You don’t have to be nice to him all the time and especially because of his irrational demands and behaviors. Don’t let it dominate you. Identify when he is trying to do that. He cannot elevate unnecessary demands of him, unimportant financial/emotional/unimportant medical needs over his needs and routine. He would be testing your patience more often than not. He would be trying to see if he still has control over you, so don’t give in to his tactics. Let him know that no drama would work in his house and on you.
Addictive behavior can be detected at any stage of life. Those behaviors would be leading to a relapse. For example, excessive purchases, which you could take as something normal to pamper yourself from time to time; But if you see a lot of money being wasted on shopping, you need to be careful again. Spending too much time on the phone, the Internet, movies, and preferring to be isolated for long hours. Even eating too much is a sign that a relapse is coming. These are just actions that a recovering addict takes as substitutes for their substance and to find temporary solace from it. You can always call rehab for help and continue to attend Family Association meetings. But as a member of the family of a recovering addict, never give up.