Mama’s Boys has been getting a lot of attention these days. The problem with them is that they appear on blogs, entertainment news shows and even on a new reality show called “Momma’s Boys” (produced by Ryan Seacrest). A producer approached us to see if we had a client and his mom who would be appearing on a national morning show! We couldn’t accommodate them because the type of mama’s boy that they were looking for and the type that these others are turning their attention to is a type of mama’s boy that we’ve never met. And we’re experts at mommy’s boy and daddy’s girl!
The kind of mama’s boy getting the most attention these days is the one we call “The Apron String Boy.” This type can blind people to the reality that mommy’s boys come in a variety of personalities. There are at least three other types of mama’s boys. They may surprise you, but you will recognize them. There are also at least four types of daddy’s girls. You will also recognize them. You know, you rarely find a mommy’s boy without a daddy’s girl! Understanding the following types can help you understand how to enhance the romance you share with mommy’s boy or daddy’s girl.
When mama’s boy goes undercover, chances are he’s The Bully. His machismo and domineering personality might make you think twice about calling him a mama’s boy. However, if he uses verbal or physical aggression to put pressure on the women in his life, he’s a mama’s boy! Mom’s kids, through no fault of their own, missed out on bonding with their parents, learning that their power comes from within. As a result, they spend their lives pulling or pushing the women in their lives to confirm their masculinity. A woman cannot give a man her masculinity no matter how hard either of them tries.
The boy in the apron we have mentioned is the man who, whether single or married, will not make the decision to act without his mother’s input or approval. He is comfortable with his mother’s influence in his life. While his wife or girlfriend finds his mother interfering, he will defend his activity in his life. If you put him in the position of having to choose between you, his mother will win.
Some mama’s sons have so much feminine energy that we call them the caring man. This man is comfortable being “Mr. Mom.” He loves raising the women and children in his life and it’s the number one reason we say that being a mama’s boy or loving one can be a very good thing. The challenge here is that he still needs to be respected as a man, and his wife needs opportunities to let herself down, relax, and be receptive. Role reversal works best when both people are on the same page and have the option to spend time in traditional roles.
The fourth type of mama’s boy is the suave male. This man is challenged when it comes to harnessing his masculine potency and taking action. Because he needs his wife’s permission to act, he best exemplifies mama’s boy that he pulls on his wife to get a sense of his masculinity. Rather than being the masculine or feminine energy in the relationship, he is more like an insecure teenager who can’t make the leap into adulthood.
A woman can be daddy’s girl because she tried to take her place with her mother or her mother’s place with him. This explains why a woman separated from her father can still be a daddy’s girl. Here, we start with The Tom Boy. She is the one who loved sports, camping, cars or other male interests in childhood. She identified with her father then and still does. As she works to please and care for him through his life choices, she tends to succeed in the world. However, her fixation on him undermines her success in romance.
Another type of daddy’s girl is The Little Princess. This woman can appear feminine and very much in love with herself. However, it’s not true self-love of hers, because she doesn’t know how to get satisfaction from within. Looking outside of herself, she believes that she will be happy when her man figures out how to please her. Her self-centeredness and belief that the world revolves around her reveals that she is daddy’s little princess.
Any type of daddy’s girl can express her desire to care for the men in her life through forms of bullying, submission, or martyrdom. However, The Longsuffering Wife is the kind of daddy’s girl who is most at risk of being taken for granted and suffering deep resentment in the process. She puts everyone before herself, trying to be the great earth mother. She pushes herself too hard, trying to be the kind of mother and wife that would make one or both parents proud.
Daddy’s fourth girl is The Father Knows Best Girl. She is the one who cannot make a decision without the input or opinion of her father. She believes that no one will love her like he did. If he is no longer a part of her life, she yearns for her influence. If he was affectionate, she sighs for it too. If he was dismissive, she longs to show him that she is his girl after all. Like The Soft Male, this woman is stuck in a kind of adolescence, unable to make the leap into adulthood.
If you recognize yourself or someone you love from these descriptions, you can use the information here to better understand yourself or your loved one. This can give you a measure of patience with behavior that may have made you feel like pulling your hair out earlier! You can also see where you need to lean in the direction of wholeness. Without making him, her, or yourself wrong, how can you encourage the independent adult in you to show up once in a while and then celebrate?
Mommy’s boys and daddy’s girls are everywhere! Learning to get along with respect and affection, and learning to mature a little more, is the secret to greater happiness.