A third of single women between the ages of 40 and 60 are dating younger men, at least 8 years their junior. As women have advanced financially and educationally, they are no longer “stuck” in the traditional roles they have slipped out of. With the advent of birth control and Madison Avenue advertising moguls putting sexuality in our faces to sell us some product or service, women are looking at other barriers that they can now address and break down; specifically: age.

If a woman at 24 thought a guy at 24 was hot, why wouldn’t she look at him the same way when she turned 40? Because in the past women tended to get carried away by their noses in the social mores of the time, they were either shamed or “not allowed” to “go there” with their sexuality. They were expected to be loyal wives, great mothers, domestic engineers, and other socially acceptable roles. With rare exceptions, any sidelong glance at a younger man who could have been her son was met with immediate dismissal and a lot of guilt. Certain movies came out to challenge these misconceptions: The Summer of ’42, The Graduate are just a couple. Fast forward to today with TV shows like Desperate Housewives and the fact that women feel so much freer and liberated in expressing their sensuality, they stay in shape by eating right and exercising, they rejuvenate their bodies with liposuction and breast implants and by golly …men begin to respond Now that she is in a position to choose among the group of men who lick her feet, who do you think she will choose?

The bloated, tired, beleaguered, past his shlub best or a hot bodied younger man with “staying power”? She is in her sexual prime, she is no longer tied to crying babies and a man who stopped appreciating her a long time ago. A man she stood for, but he didn’t in return. She can still turn it on, but she wants to turn the light off to “do her duty” of hers to him. Add to the mix the fact that if she was a starting wife, when her husband hits his mid-life crisis and trades her in for the same model, only with fewer years and fewer miles, she’s left out. Well not yet. What’s good for the goose is good for the goose. Turning around is fair game. And all those other clichés that happen to be true now apply in this case. As this movement to break down age between the sexes takes hold, it will eventually become as acceptable as older men dating and marrying younger women.

When the woman looks around at what is available on the market, she is quickly disappointed to realize that what is left out there compared to men her age or older are losers and mentally retarded, self-centered narcissists, and self-indulgent men. they present themselves as victims of their former wives; saddled with alimony, competing for the attention of children they only see every other weekend, relegated to living in an apartment while the ex-wife takes care of the house and the new wife is lucky to get any emotional, physical crumbs , mental or psychological. What do these guys really have to offer? No wonder women are looking to younger men as viable alternatives. There just isn’t much in the dating world that they want to meet in their own range. So women start to reconsider their options. They hang out with their girlfriends and get the attention of the younger guys. At first this may seem strange and they may ignore it or think it’s cute. But as time goes on and they realize that men in their age range aren’t the prince charming they’d expect to meet, the younger guys look better and better.

It’s no secret that women of all ages want that oxytocin brain chemical rush that they had as a teenager when they first fell in love. A younger man can provide them with that. With a younger man, a woman has the opportunity to reconnect with her sensual side and her sexuality. She doesn’t have to feel rushed to orgasm (fake or not) by an older man whose resistance has gotten the better of him. And did I mention post-coital cuddles? What could be better than snuggling with a younger, grateful man who adores her and doesn’t have a big fat belly? (Sorry if I sound cruel here, but I’m just reporting what I’ve heard from the women I’ve spoken to on this topic.)

So, all you pups who adore confident women… rejoice. The woman you want to spend time with may be a long time coming, but give her time and be yourself with her. Many women are still finding their way around her and may not be sure if this is for them or not, and the experience she has with her “first” puppy will help tell the story.

(c) Fayr Barkley, Ph.D.