Recently a friend on Facebook asked me how I learned to live with disfigurement. She must undergo extensive surgery and knows that it will change her face forever. I had to pause and look back over the past 21 years. Now, I forget that my face is different and I only remember if someone asks me what happened. It has become my face.

I was thirty-three when I lost my left eye, orbit, and part of my face to cancer. The diagnosis was adenoid cystic carcinoma of the lacrimal gland. The prognosis was very bad. Losing my eye was my only chance to survive cancer. The choice was my face or my life.

Accepting the changes on my face was a long-term project. Friends and strangers gave me unsolicited, but sincere advice, such as: a new development that they saw on the medical channel or read in the newspaper that could fix me. This seemed to imply that it was broken. I struggled with the shame on my face and kept it hidden behind patches and glasses.

I tried to solve the problem by hiring a company that specialized in film special effects to make me a prosthetic eye. I had to slap my eye. Then I put on a lot of makeup to hide the edges. As the day wore on, the makeup and glue began to melt and run down my face. My active lifestyle did not go with the latex eye.

I went to therapy and started taking small risks. I would expose my face when participating in water sports to gauge the reaction of other people around me. They mostly ignored my face and continued talking about the fun we were having. Somehow it was a bit disappointing. I was expecting some kind of reaction. Maybe it wasn’t as broken as you thought.

The turning point was when I was counseling a 12-year-old boy who had been severely abused and diagnosed with schizophrenia. In one of our sessions he told me: “You tell me not to be ashamed of my scars, why are you ashamed of yours?” That day I took off the patch. I have walked with my head held high ever since.

My husband and I are hooked on Dancing with the Stars. We have been supporting JR Martinez since week 1. He has rendered a wonderful service to those who have facial disfigurements or are facing disfiguring surgery. He has shown us how to let the inner light shine and take pride. Remember that you are not just your face. You are much more. Be proud and let your inner light shine.