When we are in love, the world is golden and nothing gets us down. When we’re not in love, we’re desperate to get back those feelings we had while in love. Despair can be so intense that we find ourselves thinking and doing things that we would be embarrassed to tell our best friend. The thrill of falling in love, of being in love, is not just an exciting psychological and emotional experience. It’s also a biochemical experience, what you might call a “high,” and there are similarities to chemical addiction and withdrawal, which become apparent when we’re done. Some of the neurochemicals in the brain associated with being in and out of love are ‘dopamine’, ‘serotonin’, ‘neuroepenephrine’, ‘adrenaline’ and ‘phenylethylamine’. Depending on the level of these chemicals in the blood, we can be ecstatic or terribly depressed. Some research has shown a similarity in blood chemistry and neural activity in brain regions between people in the early stages of love, the infatuation phase, and obsessive-compulsive disorder.
Most people are familiar with ‘testosterone’ and ‘estrogen’. These hormones, along with ‘pheromones’, are largely responsible for sexual attraction. Pheromones are hormones that are excreted or secreted, rather than remaining internal. We are often attracted (or repelled) to a person based on their scent. That smell is secreted or excreted chemical substances, that is, pheromones. Although pheromones and hormones can ignite the initial spark of a relationship, they are not capable of sustaining a relationship. The hormones ‘oxytocin’ and ‘vasopressin’ are released in the body during the heights and climaxes of sexual intercourse and reinforce the attachment and bond that comes from physical intimacy. If a couple met and fell in love, and then took some drug that dampened these love chemicals, they would find each other quite indifferent about their affection for each other. After years or decades of marriage, couples fall out of love due in large part to the decline of these chemicals. One or both of you may seek out extramarital affairs to once again feel the exciting flow of those hormones through your blood. The despair we experience after a breakup isn’t because we’re estranged from our loved one, but because the love chemicals in our blood are missing, diminished, or faded. If those same love chemicals could be injected back into the blood, we’d feel more than fine. A good, solid and stable relationship has built an emotional bond based on the initial stages of love. That stable affection can, in turn, rekindle feelings of lust and romantic love, which reinforce the long-term stable relationship. In many love relationships, it’s the excitement and initial arousal that matters most, and when it starts to wane, sexual activity can become more adventurous, which can be a good thing; but it can also become overly aggressive and violent. Issues may develop outside of the primary relationship. The terms ‘love addiction’ or ‘sex addiction’ are appropriate due to the chemical basis of these obsessions. It’s not the wild sex or adventure we’re after, it’s the chemicals that such activities generate in the bloodstream.
Many people turn to drugs, whether prescription drugs or illegal substances, to help them get through the desperation of withdrawal that often comes with a breakup or separation. This, of course, makes a lot of sense since the feelings of being in love are chemical in nature. Some drugs can deaden feelings of despair; Some drugs can intensify feelings of euphoria. Neither is a truly satisfactory solution to the breakup. However, there is a healthy way to respond to the despair that a breakup can leave us with:
1) Exercise. There is such a close proximity of the word ‘exercise’ to the word ‘exorcise’ that one has to consider exercise as a way of exorcising the demons of chemical imbalance. Exercise has been shown to release neurochemicals that make you happy, even ecstatic, without being in love with someone. In fact, they are the same chemicals, but produced in a different context, a self-initiated context, one that is not dependent on someone else. Exercise not only produces these happy chemicals, it teaches us that we can make them on our own; we become more autonomous, more stable within ourselves. It’s just a matter of doing it.
2) Proper diet. Don’t eat junk. If there is any truth to the saying ‘we are what we eat’, then if we eat garbage, we will become garbage and feel like garbage. If you just broke up with a love relationship, you already feel trashy. It doesn’t help aggravate the problem. Decide to eat well. Do your own little research project on what that would be like for you. Know your proteins, carbohydrates and fats.
3) Positive Approach. It is often found that before a person fell in love, they were doing quite well in life. They had a job, they had a variety of activities that they enjoyed, good friends, interests, hobbies… And then they met someone… they fell in love… and they lost all focus on the elements that had shaped their life in favor of this one. person. That positive approach needs to be renewed. Those elements of one’s life gave it meaning, purpose, and satisfaction. Reach out to friends, pick up that hobby, rekindle interests that were enjoyable, fun, and rewarding. It is an act of will and determination at first. But, soon you will find yourself back in that good rhythm. And, the next time you find yourself in a love relationship, don’t forget these important elements of your life.
4) Talk about the story. If you have a close friend, relative, or even a supportive parent, be concerned and nonjudgmental, share their story with them. You may have neglected them in favor of your now non-partner, but you can get close to them again. Share with them your thoughts and feelings. It can be very useful. If you don’t have a support person in your life, seek professional advice. By speaking you can objectively see what has happened to you and that can help you see things more clearly.
5) Meditation. Take time to be alone.
has. A long solitary walk can do wonders for the soul. As you walk, remember the blessings in your life, all the good things you have had and have now. Take a deep breath and walk with the confidence that you are a person capable of facing the challenges that life presents to you around every corner.
b. Sitting alone in silence, without music, television or other distractions is healing. There is a saying “feel it to heal it” and meditation can be the perfect opportunity to do just that. This type of meditation is not about gaining a peaceful state of mind, it is not about gaining insight or enlightenment; it is about feeling the pain, not denying or avoiding it, but rather acknowledging it, even honoring it, as a human experience to which we are all prone. During this type of meditation, outbursts of emotion are expected. If the urge to cry arises, it should be allowed. Crying is one of the best ways to release repressed painful emotional energies. Don’t be ashamed, don’t be shy… let the healing balm of saltwater tears cry out…
against Visualization is a form of meditation in which we see, clearly, in our mind’s eye, in detail, an image of our choosing. Visualize yourself healthy, happy, friendly, understanding, strong and stable. Add affirmative statements to your visualizations that reinforce your dignity and worth as a person. Be aware that the mind does not register negative goals. That is, if you say, “I won’t think about (person’s name) anymore,” the mind only hears “think about (person’s name).” It doesn’t register the “I won’t do it anymore” part, it would rephrase it to say something such as ‘Now I think clearly about my immediate tasks’.
6) Masturbation. This can be a touchy subject; however, there is enough factual information based on decades of research to say that it is normal and healthy, for both genders, at any time, not just after a breakup. As writer/director/filmmaker Woody Allen said in his classic film “Annie Hall,” “Don’t give up masturbation, it’s sex with someone I love.” Masturbation may be a necessary component of ‘withdrawal’ from sexual activity with a partner. Additionally, it is known to produce happy chemicals and reduce stress and sexual tension. If you are inhibited, anxious, or concerned about this all-too-common behavior, you may need to do some research and reading. There are plenty of reputable studies and good advice out there.
7) Future Orientation. The mind is ‘teleological’ by design. That means it’s goal-directed. If you keep thinking about the past, the mind will tend to pull you in that direction. You will repeat old patterns, you will hold old thoughts and beliefs. If you think about the future, where you are going, the mind will focus in that direction. You will generate new thoughts, beliefs, perceptions and strategies to move in that way. You may have heard that ‘the grass is greener where it is watered the most’. Focus on what you want, not what you don’t want. Focus on your goals, not your obstacles. Focus on your successes, not your mistakes or failures. Focus on your strengths, not your weaknesses.
8) Know yourself. Self-knowledge is a lifelong development task. Acknowledge the breakup or separation despair you feel now as part of the self-knowledge curriculum. And consider the love you’ve lost and the despair you’ve found, as a stepping stone to greater self-awareness and a greater capacity for compassion. Clearly there are risks in a love relationship. You may feel hurt, even devastated. And yet, new life rises from the ashes. Although you may think that your heart is broken and that you will never be able to love again, your heart can also be seen as open, because, in fact, a broken heart is a heart that is open and capable of becoming more capable of loving and being loved than ever before. been before.