Have you put a woman who is never single? You’ve never seen her without a man. The last time she saw her she showed up at the Christmas party with Bob, her arms entwined tightly. They didn’t part all night. She seemed so happy; You’ve even heard her tell some coworkers that he’s The One, and she’s so sure this time. She tells everyone about her plans for the future. She won’t stop talking about how they plan to go on a romantic vacation to Cancun in the summer. She all day she talks about Bob’s occupation, hobbies and favorite TV show. She’s so in love with Bob, that’s all she talks about. Hey, that’s love to you, right? Well, your bottom lip hits the floor when you see her a week later at the New Year’s party and she shows up with Steve. You think “What happened to Bob?” One month later, she’s so into Ron and three weeks after that, she can’t get enough of Paul. It’s to the point that you’re afraid to talk to her boyfriend because you’re afraid of calling him the wrong name. You can’t keep the boys straight from him anymore and you wonder how he does it.

I think we all have a friend or co-worker who seems to exhibit this behavior. You may even find him very attractive if you haven’t dated since the winter ball. You might think he’s lucky to always have someone. Well, I call this behavior “jumping” and it’s not as attractive as it sounds. “Jumping” is when you jump from one relationship to another with little to no time between the two relationships. If this describes you or someone you know, pay close attention because “jumping around” is not healthy for the health of your relationship. You need time to think and reflect on your past experience. This doesn’t mean you have to play the entire relationship in your head like a broken record, analyzing every moment you spent together. On the other extreme, you don’t want to be so busy trying to find your next post-breakup date that you don’t take time to reflect. When you’re done, it usually hurts no matter the reason. There is that feeling of loss and sometimes regret. You may wish that he had done something different, or you may wish that he had done a few different things. It hurts and you want to feel better. You can go to the grocery store and buy a gallon of Rocky Road ice cream, have a booze fest, or go to the club. Hey, I’ll even give you permission to throw a mini pity party. What I cannot tolerate is drowning your sorrows in the arms of another man. Don’t try to find another guy just to try to get over the last guy. If you do this, you will have a series of bounce relationships.

If you just ended a relationship, then it’s time for some me time. You need some time to “unpack and relax” from your last relationship. You must use the same method before moving on to a new relationship. The time it takes for clarity and reflection is different for each person, but it is definitely needed. The time spent after a breakup can be very enlightening and rewarding. You will learn new things about yourself and the things you need in your next partner. Let’s explore some examples. If you were previously dating a workaholic, you may realize that having someone who can take time off work for you is important to you. This will help guide your partner choices in your next relationship. You’ll probably learn to stay away from a guy who’s a CEO with a 60-hour work week. You will probably be looking for someone who has a job that requires less time.

Learning about yourself will help you grow and help you to be better in your next relationship. If your behaviors led to the breakup, you should especially take note of the things your ex said that caused the breakup. If you called your last guy 30 times a day and sent him constant texts, hopefully you’ll use this time to learn from your mistake. You have to realize that your next guy will need some breathing room and you should limit calls and texts. WHATEVER the reason for the break up, there is something to learn and it is your job to figure out what it is.

If you just got out of a year-long relationship, you shouldn’t have a new boyfriend next week. Your emotions will still be raw from your last relationship and you may be vulnerable. I mentioned earlier that the time it takes for each person to be ready for the next relationship is different. My general recommendation for a good amount of time to stay single can be determined using the ten percent rule: multiply the time spent in the relationship by 10%. For example, if you were together for two years (24 months), then you should spend at least 2 1/2 months single. The longer you were in the relationship, the longer it will take you to “unpack” and learn from that experience. During this time I suggest you think about what you can do differently in your next relationship. You may not be the cause of the breakup. Even if you weren’t the problem, you can still learn a lot. For example, he could have cheated on you. You can learn from this experience to trust your instincts. Usually, when a guy cheats on us, we get a feeling in the pit of our stomach that we sometimes choose to ignore. You will know if you get that feeling again that you should pay close attention to it.

Take control of your emotional and relationship health and time for yourself. Reflect on your relationship and rediscover yourself. This is a great time to catch up with friends and rediscover your hobbies and passions. Don’t spend this time sad and despondent; realize that you are much closer to finding the right person for you. Remember that you may have to kiss a few frogs before you find your Prince.