By now you know that we talk a lot around here about deserving what we want. By definition, this means becoming the kind person who can attract the MOTORCYCLES (members of the opposite sex) we dream of. But most importantly, it ALSO means that we have to know how to RECOGNIZE the great ones and ELIMINATE the wrong ones from our lives. Then, and ONLY then, do we have a clear opportunity to enter that magical realm affectionately known as “total control over love life.”

Once we get over personal issues related to trust (eg “Great women? That’s for other men … they will never want ME”). guys have been inviting into our lives. As you’ve heard me speak before, too many men put themselves in the position of waking up one day to find themselves married to a woman they didn’t even CHOOSE.

How the heck does that happen? Well, it all starts when they hang out with someone out of sheer convenience or even coincidence who likes them. But what perpetuates it is the simple truth that even when a man finds himself in such a mediocre situation, he STILL doesn’t get things done … at least not soon enough.

Below are six silly (but unfortunately very common) excuses that we as men use to fool ourselves into relationships that are far from satisfying. And really all we’re talking about today is equal opportunity, so all women listen to this. By the way, FAIR WARNING, I’m about to put it into play in a totally direct way, so be prepared.

1) “But the sex is pretty good”

Man if this isn’t the desperate but sex-focused man’s battle cry. The insidious thinking here is that if the breakup happens, he’s not going to “have anything” … maybe for a LONG time.

This is not simply myopic, it completely lacks vision. Often times, the same guys who regard “sexual variety” as an exciting thought are the ones who stick with the same woman just because their sex lives could suffer if they don’t. I’m not sure if this is “contradictory” or just “idiotic”. But those are the tricks a guy’s mind can play on him when sex alone is the focus.

I don’t care who the woman is, after you’ve had sex with her multiple times, you’ll know how to move and you’ll need something MUCH deeper to maintain a relationship. Do you need proof? Okay, for all you “one handed web surfers”, look for the most smoking hottie on the web you can find. Get all the video clips and photos you can handle. How long until you get bored and look for the next one? I’ll give you fifteen minutes … tops. Real life is no different. If it’s about sex, your priorities are screwed up.

By the way, there is another angle to this. If you are staying with a woman because the sex is particularly good, I have news for you. Women tend to respond to the leadership of a man in the bedroom. Good sex starts with you. Once you can ignite female passion, you will find that women respond. On the other hand, if you are a “sex-focused but desperate man” as mentioned, you have a very real point in believing that you “got lucky” if the woman you are currently with is sexually arousing.

2) “But she’s the HOTTEST I’ve ever been with”

This concept closely follows the previous one. When a guy who’s used to dating mediocre women meets a particularly sexy one, it’s incredibly simple to fall into the trap of believing that never in a million years will he be able to repeat such good fortune.

Now, once the woman realizes this, three things can happen. First, her insecurity will make her realize she’s out of her league and the breakup will resolve itself … courtesy of her. Second, she can be an exceptional woman of a versatile character that matches her external beauty and everyone’s happiness, and for good reason. BUT … she can also proceed opportunistically to make the most of the situation and push the boy into oblivion. This third situation is the one that interests me the most for now.

What’s the cure to letting go of the sexiest woman you’ve ever been with when you know she’s poisonous? Easy. If you can do this once, you can do it again. How about that for a simple answer? It’s all about personal trust. It was no accident that she was attracted enough to you to be with you. Other women will feel the same way … and if you continue to develop your masculine character and confidence level, you will find that you can even RAISE THE BAR. I’ve lost count of the number of guys I know who have finally kicked the wrong (but attractive) woman out of their lives only to slap themselves on the head sooner rather than later for not doing it months (or even years) earlier.

3) “I don’t want to make her cry … I’d feel like a bad boy”

Of course, most men don’t like to make women cry. And this is not even about women being “emotional manipulators” most of the time. We as kids do this to ourselves simply because we want to avoid something that is unpleasant and may cause us to feel guilty. The truth is, if the breakup is to happen, putting off a disturbing moment will only add to the potential agony later on. Imagine the tears if you head to divorce court in a few years … with young children in the balance.

4) “Oh man … I’d have to start all over again”

Well, actually there may be some insecurity involved here. But in reality, this is about total laziness. Even if the relationship doesn’t live up to expectations, it’s often a COMFORTABLE way to stay. Otherwise, a guy has to go out and meet another woman, go through the whole process of “getting to know you”, reuniting with the parents, building another whole story, and so on.

And why would all of that sound like a heaviness rather than something really exciting? Truth be told, staying in stale relationships in these cases can literally be a matter of continuing to wake up doing exactly what happened yesterday rather than ACTING. That’s right … pure PROCRASTINATION.

Not surprisingly, many men report the feeling of having “taken a load off” when they finally make the right decision in these situations and break things. Go figure.

By the way, for most people who deserve what they want, it takes a lot less time to make a real and valid connection with someone new than they think. I personally put someone online in the morning, went for coffee in the afternoon, and soon shared a mutual feeling of “having known each other for ten years.” Knowing that it is a fully replicable scenario can alleviate having to “start over”, eh?

5) “It’s just a phase … We’ll figure it out and get through it”

Also known as “denial”. So do you think the inability to get along, be sexually compatible, and / or share a common core belief system is going to “change over time”? You are fooling yourself. And you’re in an especially deep yogurt if she tells you that “having a baby” will “bring them closer.”

Don’t yell at me for telling the truth. It never ceases to amaze me how I can repeatedly run into couples in public who can’t stand each other … and aren’t even married.

6) “She has this way of convincing me not to”

I will tell you that some women are world-class expert salespeople. His determination is impressive at times. Impressive enough to keep her close, perhaps even after you’ve openly expressed the desire to move on. This can be presented through classic statements such as: “I have not been myself lately … give me a chance”, “How can you throw something so GOOD?”, And “You just don’t know what if you want, you will soon wake up and you’ll see how great I am to you. “

He, of course, is my personal least favorite, the infamous “What? Do you think you’re NEVER going to find someone else as good as me?” Yes Yes. See # 2 above. That is manipulation at its worst.

For the six examples above, another sentiment generally applies and is common to each. That’s the whole notion of “Hey, there’s always someone worse off than me, right?” This is not the frame of mind of someone who considers himself worthy of what he wants, is it?

The bottom line is this: He (or she) staying with someone long after the breakup should probably have happened SETTLES.

And “settling down” invariably leads to bitterness. The one who feels they could have “done better” has their nose pressed to the glass staring at the “greener grass” elsewhere … probably feeling nauseous the entire time. But what about the person who has “settled”? Are you doing cartwheels for good luck? Not in your life … the feeling of not being loved by your “partner” is one of the most empty, humiliating and degrading feelings imaginable.

The truth is that EVERYONE SUFFERS when people ACCOMPANY THEMSELVES.