Ever since the advent of email, texting, instant messaging, and social networking sites, people have been complaining and worrying about the possibility of more flirting, emotional flings, and gasp! – sexual escapades.

Is this backlash coming from an actual increase in deception, or from a suddenly more public and accessible forum for trends and behavior that have always been around? In other words, do you really think that you or the people you know are more likely to flirt and cheat now than in an electronic media-free environment? I do not! I would not do it! And neither do the people I know. At least no more than we would be if we were living, say, in the 18th century.

The indiscretions of public figures have fueled this critical commentary on the use of electronic media for social purposes. Governor Mark Sanford is a clear recent example. When a South Carolina newspaper published a series of emails between Sanford and his Argentinian mistress, some people found technology a scapegoat for adultery. Perhaps a story put out by a friend of a friend claiming his cousin left his wife for a woman he met on MySpace may add to the buzz. This is excellent fodder for psychologists, journalists, and everyone who sells social commentary. You’ve no doubt seen evidence of this talk on television, in magazines, and on popular websites. We’re being educated on topics like the dos and don’ts of text flirting, how Facebook friends become sexual predators, and why instant messaging leads to more office business. Who is really buying these things?

Are we, as a culture, really so obsessed with controlling our verbal interactions that we have reached this level of meanness? Does this kind of attitude reflect how comfortable we feel with ourselves? Is it another example of shyness taken to the extreme? I think so. How often do we casually say something that we then revisit? I know I do it a lot! Before computers, people said, “I put my foot in my mouth.” To some degree, we’ve always been mindful of our communication with one another, but I see no reason to amplify that trend just because texting, emailing, and online posting is “print media.” I’ve heard people say, “Once it’s printed, you can’t take it back!” Oh really? So how do so many contracts end up in court? How are divorces possible? How do teens break up over text and get back together the next day on Facebook? Why is literature the object of interpretation and open discussion for centuries after its publication? It’s true that a written contract carries more legal weight than a verbal one, but is a wink or a slap on the butt more casual than a “xoxo” in a text message? I do not think so. That is the real point I mean. Spoken words and physical contact have much more influence on sexual behavior than the written media. Why obsess over the dos and don’ts of electronic communication any more than we would with our daily physical interactions?

If people with poor impulse control want to cheat, they will find a way to do it, with or without a Blackberry or Iphone. The period drama television series “Mad Men” is critically acclaimed for its faithful depiction of mid-20th century relationships between women and men and has won three Golden Globes and nine Emmy Awards. It could be said that the content of the program is 50% extramarital affairs. I admire the writers’ realism in their depiction of marital anguish and the human tendency to seek greener pastures. Most people aren’t proud of this kind of behavior, but hey, it goes back to the Bible! Do you remember David and Bathsheba?

I am afraid that obsessing over and controlling the casual interaction between us, whether physical or electronic, is likely to lead to the deception it was intended to prevent. After all, doesn’t temptation begin in the mind? We experience temptation when we find ourselves thinking too much about a certain activity or person. Let’s keep the neurosis to a minimum, shall we? So he spent too much time talking to his opposite-sex coworker about her personal life at lunch. And that? Let him go and stop thinking about making out with him! The bonding happens. Maybe you emailed your ex about a personal problem that you knew he would understand. Again, so what? Do we really need to live our lives in such a rigid manner, fearing that at every turn lies a carnal temptation? This type of attitude affects many people who suffer from religious dysfunction. Ironically, they are the ones that always end up cheating! Does Ted Haggard ring a bell?

Just for fun, and in closing, check out this list of evangelist sex scandals: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_televangelist_scandals

Now, how much do you want to reign in your Facebook activity? Want to spend more time examining your text message etiquette? Just try not to worry too much about it.