I was turning forty. It didn’t seem all that different from being thirty-nine, except that I could no longer say I was thirty-something (between 28 and 38) and now I was forty (between 78 and 100).

So, I bought a Porsche, tried to have sex (thanks to Bill for the new language) with people half my age and was hysterical about my appearance. I did not evolve well. And nature made me pay for it.

I had a lot of support in this resistance to evolve. I lived in New York and there were sexy gyms, hair salons, menswear stores, and a plethora of relatively poor and incredibly attractive young women who had come to New York to become an overnight hit, and they weren’t. nor did they need it. At that moment I thought it was love, but oh again, nature touched my shoulder, Evolve … and I resisted with everything my ego could muster (a lot)

To help with my resistance to nature’s call to evolve, I blocked my ears, mind, heart and eyes to the signals of the wisest alternatives, and between yoga classes, exercises in the mirrored gym, gymnastics in the bedroom and Viagra, I added time for facials. in places as delicious as Aveda and others with names like “You’re amazing and young if you walk in” (real names escape me and fading memory is part of the aging process).

Evolve nature turned the dial up, putting on a few pounds around my tummy despite twenty hours a week in yoga and gym classes, and eating like a bunny.

To help combat nature’s message, and armed with my Amex card, dressed in designer jeans and my $ 200 gay salon haircut, I visited Heavenly Heavens “De Wrinkle Shop” to turn back the clock (at least on my face) and being rubbed, scrubbed, pampered and untold numbers of pimples and blackheads have been removed from my nose and chin.

To my horror, they plucked a small mountain of hair from my nose. I met people with less hair on their heads than I had picking up my nose. And hairs on my ears? My God, was there another Amazon there?

My eyebrows were also shaved with a road sweeper and I swallowed the clogged spill with a jackhammer. But this was nothing to really worry about, because the whole time I was there, I was staring in admiration (how they did that without throwing up) a ravishing, luscious, sexy young woman with ratings that sounded like a NASA. scientist, but they were actually one-day seminars at the local night school clinic.

The beauties, princesses of the younger skies, would swoon for me, adore me, and make me feel and see myself, much younger than my years, all in a few hours. I thought I had found a way to evolve … but I was wrong.

I left those places so happy and looking so young that I had to show my ID at the bar for a drink. Which, of course, was the problem because it was drinking in a seedy smoky bar that turned my baby-faced face to something like the surface of the moon in three hours.

I’d come home half pissed off by too many margaritas on the premises still carrying my brown paper, a designer bag with “Another Wood Duck” carefully stamped on it, and plunged into that fancy bag full of Elixr bottles that had cost me six times more than the facial. (enter understanding of how beautiful young women were motivated not to throw up while cleaning my face -product sales commission)

I would pour myself another whiskey as a glass and go to work trying to reproduce at home what an incredibly beautiful and highly motivated woman had done to the background sounds of rainforest waterfalls in the “heavenly clinic.” As you will see, I failed.

Scrub first. A liquid that I found more like the smell of a bad vodka in an Indonesian bar. I’d take out one of the 10 facial wipes I’d paid more than a pair of Armani briefs for and proceed to “gently clean and prep,” which in my language translates to soak the fabric in as much of that filthy stuff and scrub . the bejesus out of my face.

The intention was to wake up my skin for a refreshing next step. Instead, my face turned red as a butt after a hit from my ever-concerned father as a child. “I guess that was at least one association that I became young again.

What came out of this scrubbing process was incomprehensible: absolute black …? Black? It looked like the makeup I had to remove after hitting one of the hay slings, carrying that bale chorus at Oaklahoma the musical.

Damn, I said to myself, where did this crap come from? It had only been 3-5 hours since I left the “forever young” facial shop.

Then the second shock, “He looked forty again.”

What happened was I realized that the youthful look on my face as I left that salon that had cost me more than 6 weeks of vacation in the Bahamas, was due more to the fact that I had stopped worrying for an hour than any cream. . offer.

Evolveyabastard – Experience is a shitty teacher.

I spent a fortune to realize that I didn’t need to spend a fortune.

Ponds cold cream is $ 3.00 a bucket and good $ 1 pigeon soap is as effective on the skin as any product, and the real secret to staying young was the ability to stop worrying and stay happy.

A clean shirt and a good attitude could almost guarantee that I would never feel old again. So, I decided to learn to relax, stop worrying, and wash my shirts … here are my evolutionary achievements around staying forever young:

1. I am as young as I feel and the worst I can feel is fat, lazy and immobile. Therefore, I have to, I must, I need, I want, I want, I choose and I love to exercise until I break a sweat every day for a minimum of 20 minutes, and the most important thing is that I change my activity if I am not in love with him . Right now it’s kayaking, but if I stopped loving it, I’d start pole dancing or whatever would make me smile.

2. I must have some kind of spiritual practice (mine is the universal laws of nature) to see order in chaos and calm my worries. I think a lot about many things. I am concerned about global warming, starving children, violence, drugs, disconnection with corporate executives, and nature. If I don’t have a process to put peace in my heart, I’m going to age to the rhythm of a Formula 1 grand prix tire … and probably look the same too. That is why I use and teach the laws of nature. Peace of mind.

3. I need a purpose in my life, something productive to do every day that stimulates my brain. Nobody beats me more than me. I think we’re all the same in this regard, we’re all pretty hard on ourselves and that self-destruct thing is really a shortcut to the grave. And yet I don’t want to become good old Ego Chris like before and fight nature to the point where she yells Evolve again … (ouch) so instead of thinking “what’s the best for me? “, I think,” what is the best for my life purpose? It has been the greatest miracle of my life and it has taken about 30 years of head and heart space … A bigger purpose that I have taken me out of myself.

4. I love sex, often (it used to be twice a day, but now only once) to keep the fire in my belly burning. I know many readers will say this is trivial and trivial, but I have never felt older, more wrinkled, stuck, or more discouraged than when I have gone through a long dry period of sexual abstinence or been in a relationship where the sexy part dried up. I have married partners who haven’t had sex since last Christmas, or their birthday … damn they are older than King Tut, bored, bored, and often workaholics. My advice to them when I pull out overworked executives? Go home to have sex. (I mean cool, tantric, loving, long and delicious sex … no wham bam good night sex)

5. And the final key, I have to be in nature at least 3 hours a day. I think this is the reason why the word is so commercial, addicted to the consumer and ignorant of the environment … we are too much in. We have gone from 100% dependent on nature outdoors to 100% dependent on indoors, synthetic only in the last 100 years. It’s no wonder we’re in trouble, we just haven’t evolved as humans as fast as our technology has. Nature is saying to all city life, EVOLVE, but technology is accelerating and we are not. Being outdoors three hours a day, and making my home, work and family time an outdoor experience is the last step, but the most important, in my Forever Young strategy because this puts my life, love, heart, soul, mind and body in one love. state of youthful vigor. And that for me is the secret of eternal youth … Well, at least to prevent the clock of age from beating me.

I am 58 years old now, still kayaking in the ocean, climbing mountains in Nepal, I love women, I have a lot of energy and I feel younger than I was forty, so it is working.