We all know people who are so self-absorbed that no matter what the conversation is about, they will turn it on themselves. We could be talking about different types of bread or world peace, it doesn’t really matter. They will soon reference something they said, did, witnessed, experienced, with almost no pause for breath.

There’s the story of a supermodel who wouldn’t stop talking about herself and finally paused, turned to her date and said ‘now let’s talk about something really interesting, what do you think of me?’ Apocryphal or not, most of us will be aware of someone like that!

To build two-way relationships, we must show interest in each other, find something in common, and have a desire to connect. How often do we walk away from a stimulating conversation or discussion and say, ‘I never thought of it that way.’ A good conversation can be an enlightening experience.

As you nurture a relationship, others will respond to your interest in them by being willing to reciprocate, to work harder, to give more of themselves. This is especially evident when we hear reports of people changing jobs, taking a pay cut, and moving on to another employer, one that has a history of showing appreciation and offering better working conditions. People value and respond to being treated as important.

So share the conversation, it’s not always about you:

– How demotivating it’s for conversing with someone who isn’t remotely interested in hearing what you have to say. Someone who can hardly hide his impatience as he waits for you to finish speaking because he already has his next sentence ready! Feeling that our contribution is valued makes us feel valuable and happy to participate.

– Why bother having an opinion? or trying to add something to a discussion if the other person is not interested, has already made up his mind and chooses not to listen? This frustrates communication and stops the free expression of ideas and input. People eventually shut down and stop listening. Similarly, if someone always responds to what you have to say with a dismissive word or look, that can also stifle any desire to participate.

– Honest and respectful conversation. provides an opportunity to get feedback, develop your interests and gain knowledge. A dialogue provides time to share, discuss and perhaps question opinions, so we learn a lot from each other. We can often walk away from a lively conversation feeling enriched by it. We may have gained a new perspective or seen something from a completely different point of view. Sharing ideas, opinions, and perspectives helps us educate ourselves, others, and expand our reach.

– Reflect on how we form new positive relationships. Some people are easy going and enjoy letting others be the center of attention while they talk about their favorite topics. But few people want to become a permanent audience and have their opinions totally ignored and disregarded. Being listened to and considerate is an important part of forming healthy, two-way adult relationships.

– We need to value others.. Your opinions, thoughts and feelings matter. When we treat people with genuine care and respect, they thrive and are often excited to strike up a conversation, maybe even a relationship. They become more trusting, friendly and confident. Relationships formed on this foundation add value to everyone’s lives.

– And it’s worth remembering that people who constantly talk about themselves can feel insecure and in need of reassurance. There may be times when it is valid to listen and appreciate your need to speak and be heard. But equally, sometimes it’s not unreasonable to claim some ‘air time’ for oneself and say ‘now it’s my turn’.

Everyone benefits when there is a two-way connection. Clearly, different personalities express themselves in different ways. Some people are loud and outgoing, others are quieter and prefer to be more restrained. But when a relationship is constantly about one person, it can eventually get boring and cause others to tune out and drift away mentally if not physically. People relax and are more confident when they are respected. We all appreciate being treated well.